by Gail Farrelly
Enjoy this St. Patrick’s Day short story by mystery author Gail Farrelly. It was previously published on The Spoof!
We’re not talking human snakes. There are sure to be some of them in the parade too, but we’re talking about snakes of the reptile variety, and they will not only be in the parade, but they’ll be honored guests.
You may think this is a wee bit strange. It was, after all, St. Patrick who threw the snakes out of Ireland. But hey, times change. Think of it as a sort of reparation for the snake population!
There’s a story behind the NY invitation. You see, when snakes were told that they would no longer be welcome at the St. Patrick’s Day parade in another city in the U. S., they were hurt and depressed. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth. But then their leader, Simon Snake, Esq., held a rally and surprised the group with this joyful announcement: “Hey, let’s just face the music. We’re not wanted by some folks. Who cares? Their loss. I’ve contacted the mayor of New York City and told him of our plight. He’s invited us to slither up Fifth Avenue in the best St. Patrick’s Day Parade in the world in the greatest city in the world. Dry your tears and get ready to PAR-TY!”
After a rousing round of cheers, Mr. Snake got serious and reminded the group of some of the rules of the NY trip. “Absolutely no drinking of alcohol on the parade route,” he said, adding, “and if you must snack, do NOT eat each other.” He said that they’d all be given miniature green top hats, trimmed with shamrocks, to wear; and he cautioned them against eating the cardboard shamrocks. “Your Let’s Face the Music tour package is pretty much all-inclusive, but it does not include emergency room costs of stomach pumping.”
When leaving the meeting, a delighted little snake told his friend: “I can’t wait for the NY parade. Our down-low position will give us the perfect vantage point for sneaking a peek up the kilts of the bagpipers.”
Briefs, boxers, or nada? Begorrah, we’ll soon have the answer!