by Gail Farrelly
This story was previously published by Spoof News in 2011.
The sign on the door of a pub in County Cavan reads “A Thousand Welcomes,” but a bull who stopped there for a pint after a long day of grazing claims it’s false advertising. “I didn’t even receive one welcome,” he whined.
The bartender claimed he didn’t serve him because he wasn’t of drinking age, but the bull’s not buying it. “That’s nothing but a lot of bull,” he said.
The bull has told friends it wasn’t his kind of place anyway. The customers scattered far and wide when he entered their midst; not a friendly face in sight. “You’d think I was from Pamplona or something,” he complained.
When he went to visit the restroom, he found it locked. The bartender refused to give him the key, claiming it was closed for its daily cleaning. “More bull,” the bull said, adding, “Whoever heard of a pub restroom being cleaned on a daily basis, if at all?”
And it annoyed him that one corner of the pub was set up for a game of darts, dominated by a huge bullseye at the center of the dartboard. This was accompanied by a sign, Hit the bullseye and get a free pint. “Quite politically incorrect in this day and age,” the bull reported, holding his head up high and blinking his large, gorgeous dark eyes.
The bull has confided to friends, “I won’t be going back there, that’s for sure. But there’s a nice china shop next door that I’ll visit when I’m in the mood for a little browse and a nice cuppa.”