by Joseph Ham

Special coupon for Dinuba Platinum Theatre at the end of this review.

I went into G.I. Joe: Retaliation having only a vague idea of what to expect. Unlike many children, I didn’t grow up immersed in the world of G.I. Joe, although I’ve certainly heard the name a few thousand times. That being said, I wasn’t entirely surprised when what I ended up getting was a fairly generic action film packed with as many fight scenes and big, fiery explosions as they could jam into two hours. And trust me, there are plenty.

To call the plot thin would be quite a generous understatement. It is as follows: Zartan, an agent of the evil organization known as COBRA and a master of disguise, is posing as the president of the United States. This spells all sorts of trouble for the Joes when they’re suddenly ambushed by a heavily armed military force while waiting for the evac from their last mission. Those who survived the attack, Roadblock (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), team up with the rogue Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and his ninja-in-training Jinx (Elodie Yung) in order to save the world, their country, and their reputation. Oh, and Bruce Willis shows up as a retired Joe for about 15 minutes in total of ass-kicking screen time.

In all honesty, though, who actually goes to see a movie like G.I. Joe expecting an intricate plot and well-developed characters? People with their expectations in the wrong place, that’s who. The characters, as with most bang-bang action films, are one-dimensional and the plot is filled with so many holes it makes you wonder if they hired a team of trained monkeys as their writing staff. Although that’s probably an insult to trained monkeys. But hey, some of the action scenes are kinda cool, and the dialogue is sometimes so cheesy it’s hysterical, so I guess it’s fun enough.

All in all, G.I. Joe: Retaliation is simply another moderately enjoyable action film that drops the ball in the story and character department. And if that’s your thing, then I say have at it. But if it’s not, just make sure to check your brain at the door. Chances are you’re probably not gonna need it.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation is currently playing at Dinuba Platinum Theatres 6, also in 3D. Showtimes can be found on their website. Platinum Theaters Dinuba 6 now proudly presents digital quality films in 2-D and 3-D with 5.1 Dolby digital surround sound to maximize your movie experience.

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Joseph Ham is a senior at Reedley High School and enjoys singing in choir, acting, being a part of RHS Drama Club, and Frank Sinatra.