by Bill Price

For World Rat Day (April 4) we decided to feature a fun rat and mystery related poem.

Wellington Fie

was a young private eye,

And he wanted a case to pursue.

So he asked both his mom

and his big brother Tom

If they knew of a mystery or two.

His mother said no,

and his brother said, “Whoa there,

Hold on–I’ve got one you can trace.”

“It seems that some elves have been messing my shelves

And I’d like them to clean up the place.”

“Well, Wellington Fie, I’ll bake you a pie,”

Said his mom, with a smile on her face,

“If you catch the elves who’ve been messing Tom’s shelves,

But it sounds like a wild-goose-chase.”

“Sure, I know it’s not elves

who are messing my shelves,”

Said Tom, “But it’s someone no doubt.

And I’d like to know whom

Can get into my room

When the door’s locked to keep people out.”

“And lately they’ve taken a ring I was makin’

From an old silver spoon and a jewel,

And an old silver bell

I found down by the well

That I pass when I’m walking to school.”

Now Wellington said, as he scratched at his head,

“I’ve surely got nothing to lose.”

So he took off, kazoom, heading straight for Tom’s room

And started out looking for clues.

Tom said “Wellie, look

–at the back of this book!

It’s been chewed on by some kind of mouse!”

“Or, maybe–not even,”

said Wellington leavin’

And running right out of the house.

He slammed the back door

and he ran to the store

Where he carefully looked in each aisle.

Beyond the clam chowder

was white talcum powder;

He bought it, and left with a smile.

With no time to roam,

Wellie headed for home,

Tom yelled when he barged in his room.

When Wellie sprayed powder,

Tom yelled even louder,

And told him, “Now go get a broom!”

But Wellie said, “Listen,

we’ll find what is missin’

And I’m still in charge of this case!”

And Tom said, “Oh, yeah?

Then what’s the idea,

Shaking powder all over the place?”

“It’s simple, you see,

just listen to me,

Wellie said, “It’s a mouse, or a squirrel,

Or a weasel or cat,

or a snake in a hat,

But it’s sure not a boy or a girl.”

“Be sure not to get

in the powder I’ve set;

It’ll show up the guilty one’s tracks.

Wherever he goes

he’ll have dust on his toes,

And I’ll follow him right through the cracks.”

“Then I’ll set a big crate

on a stick and we’ll wait

‘Til he comes out again to his trail.

He’ll knock down the stick

and the crate will fall quick,

And we’ll trap him in my little jail.”

“And I’ll get a pie,

and this private eye

Will get you back all of your stuff.

Then this little shamus

will soon be world-famous,

The thief will be caught sure enough.”

The very next day,

tiny tracks led away

From the shelf, and then down to the floor.

And under the chest,

then not east and not west,

They just vanished!

Poof! Gone! There no more!

Wellie set a big crate

on a stick, it was late,

And then he decided to sleep.

Then snap! And ka-blam!

Wellie heard the crate slam,

Just as he tried to count sheep.

So Wellie ran in

where the crate-trap had been,

And he listened inside it for noise.

He soon heard his mother

yell, “What’s all the bother?

What’s going on up there, boys?”

“I’ve captured the thief,

oh what a relief!”

Wellie said, “Can you please get a cage?”

“Well, all that we’ve got

is the one that we bought

When you went on a pet rat rampage.

Wellie remembered

how just last September,

He’d begged for a rattie so long.

But the rattie, named Zeus,

had soon broken loose,

From the cage, which was not very strong.

“Yes! That’ll do fine,”

Wellie said, “Now he’s mine!”

And his mom brought the cage down the hall.

Then Wellie looked under

the crate–what a blunder

he’d made!

It was little old Zeus! That was all.

“It’s little old Zeus,

and he’s no longer loose!

He’s come back, I’m delighted to say.”

And Wellie felt grand

holding Zeus in his hand

And he said, “What a wonderful day!”

“But where has he been,”

said Tom, butting in,

“And what would he eat in his nest?”

“I think it was Tom

who has fed him,” said mom,

Pulling out the top drawer of Tom’s chest.

She dug in the back

of the socks, and the crackle

Of cellophane startled the pair.

“What’s this?” she asked Tom,

and he said, “Honest mom,

“I don’t know how it ever got there!”

A nibbled-on pack

of peanuts in the back

Of Tom’s drawer was what Zeus ate so long.

She then found the bell,

and the spoon-ring as well,

And Tom knew that he had been wrong.

So the door that was loose

on the cage that held Zeus

Was repaired, now he’d never get out.

And Wellington then

had old Zeus back again

And Tom cleaned his dresser, no doubt.

“So listen, big guy,

here’s your blueberry pie,”

Said his mom, while she painted a sign

That said “Wellington Fie, Great Private Eye,

And Wellington liked it just fine.

Now Wellington Fie

had his blueberry pie

And his own sign to hang like a pro.

But his mom helped you see,

with his first mystery,

And he thought that the whole world should know.

Mother dotted the “I”

on the sign and said, “My!

That looks good, now go call your brother.”

Wellie said, “What’s the rush?”

and picked up the brush

And he added the words, “…and his mother.”

All of the pieces of art in this story were done by Drusilla Kehl of The Illustrated Rat. To see more of her work go to her website and check out KRL’s article about Drusilla.

Check out more animal rescue stories in our Pet Perspective section & watch for more pet rat articles every month. Advertise in KRL and 10% of your advertising fees can go to Rattie Ratz.

Bill Price was first published in 1990, writing some humorous op-ed pieces for the Manchester (nh) Union Leader and its Sunday edition, the NH Sunday News. Since then he has written humor pieces for the Fauquier Times Democrat in Warrenton, Va, and he wrote the back page humor column for *popular communication* magazine for 20 years. He resides with his wife, two rats and several herds of cows in Fauquier County, Va. He is currently on a work-release program from the Fauquier Home for the Silly.