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Rat Tales: Revenge is a Dish Best Served with Yogis

IN THE July 21 ISSUE

FROM THE 2012 Articles,
andRebecca McLeod,
andRodent Ramblings,
andTerrific Tales
SECTIONS

by Rebecca McLeod

Rebecca shares with KRL another fun story from the perspective of her pet rats. This story takes place in the Boys Cage after Tommy and Captain Smudge have gone to the Rainbow Bridge.

*note: there are several rat swears in this, as the Boys are rather worked up.

“How the buck did this happen?” sourly asked El Dorado, wincing as he rubbed a bald spot on his side. Spotty Boy shook his head.

El Dorado

“Ah dunno, but ah think it was one of them hormone things. He used to be such a nice little fella!”

“And then he got big because SOMEONE told him how to put on weight.”

“You wuz beatin’ on him all the time–how wuz I supposed to know that he’d get bigger than you and start wallopin’ us?” dolefully asked Spotty, shifting in the hammock to glare at El Dorado.

“Oh he barely wallops you–worst I ever seen him do to you is upend you in the food bowl for a couple minutes. Lookit these bald patches on me–how am I supposed to get with the Ladieeez if I look like this??”

There is a thud from the upper shelf and both bucks tense as Bluey peers over the side of the shelf.

“You boys talking about Ladieez?”

“Maybe,” sullenly replies El Dorado.

“Well that’s fine, just as long as you remember who’s first in line.”

“Dad, rest his soul, left me in charge,” protests El Dorado.

“He didn’t realize what a jerk you are,” replies Bluey reasonably, sitting on his hind legs and scratching his ear. “I think I’ve been more than fair; you two are allowed living here and I don’t mind if you keep dating that Gonzo–she’s a little kinky for me.”

“Gonzo’s a little kinky for everyone–sometimes she flashes me and I kin see everything,” says Spotty uncomfortably. El Dorado turns to him in outrage.

“You stealin’ my girl?”

“She ain’t a girl!”

“She had ten babies; she’s at least part a girl and that’s not the point! Girl stealer! I’m gonna thump you–get your wide load outta that hammock and–”

“Hey! I does the thumping around here,” warns Bluey, swaggering up to El Dorado, “and I say there’s gonna be no thumping of Spotty.”

El Dorado does his best to try not to look cowed and fails.

“I mean, what are you worried about? It’s not like he can knock her up or anything.”

A serious argument is about to ensue but the boys are interrupted by the Human tapping on their cage.

“Hi Boys! How’s my fuzzbutts today?” They all give me adoring expressions as I hand out baby carrots.

“You guys are going to have some new friends soon–Bluey’s babies with Willow! She had fifteen and I think about eight or nine are boys!”

Spotty and El Dorado drop their carrots and turn accusing eyes on Bluey.

“We’re gonna be invaded by baby rats? Dangit Bluey, how come you couldn’t just let well enough alone!” snaps El Dorado.

Bluey is lost for words.

“We’re never gonna get to eat or sleep again because SOMEONE couldn’t keep it in his fur!”

“Eight or nine?” weakly says Bluey, eyes wide.

“Hopping all over you using you for a trampoline, eating your food, pooping in the igloo, crying for their momma, chewing down the hammock, chewing on your tail, rolling around fighting and screaming…”

Spotty

Bluey sits down hard and stares dazedly in the direction of the Maternity cage.

El Dorado motions to Spotty and he leans in.

“Yeh?”

El Dorado grins.

“I feel better already.”

Check out more of Rebecca’s rat stories in KRL’s rodent ramblings section.

Rebecca McLeod, enslaved by the whimsical charms of rats in her early twenties, spends her evenings slicing up vegetables and fruit for the vermin, chauffeuring them to the vet, and bragging about their many accomplishments to anyone who will listen. She & her husband Matthew run Bec and Matt’s Rats, a hobby rattery based out of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (Canada) and are an active part of the Canadian rat fancying community.Rebecca holds a B.A. Hons. in English from the University of Saskatchewan and is a freelance writer. Visit Bec and Matt’s Rats on Facebook!

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Diana HockleyNo Gravatar
Twitter: @Cadfael18
July 21, 2012 at 3:56pm

OMG, what a funny session! And those babies, I just want to squish and kiss and grub them. We had babies here recently and they spent their time kung fu fighting and growing like weeds!!!! Thank you for this gorgeous peep into the lives of your vermin, Bec. I love spying on them! And I love putting my hand in their hammocks and running my palm over their little furry heads and have them lick my fingers. It’s a great way to tame the bambinos LOL

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2 RebeccaNo Gravatar July 22, 2012 at 4:53pm

Thank you Diana! The babies are the cutest darn things I’ve ever seen – we refer to them as the Blue Horde because Willow ended up having fifteen in total! She was such a dedicated mother that ever single one survived and there’s not even a noticeable runt in the litter. Such a clever girl, though she’s very relieved to only have to put up with the seven female babies now: Lucy, Peppermint Patty, Hyacinth, Out of the Blue, Vagabond Rat, and two other unnamed. Bluey may try to deny paternity, but four of the babies have his curly rex fur, and they all have his dumbo ears. . .

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3 DebNo Gravatar
Twitter: @mydarlingrats
July 22, 2012 at 9:36am

Another great story. Love it. And Spotty Boy is so handsome, as all the others are.

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4 RebeccaNo Gravatar July 22, 2012 at 4:55pm

Hi Deb,

Thank you so much for your support – I passed on the compliment to Spotty and his ears blushed! He thinks he’s very handsome too – and smarter than Bluey because he got himself fixed so that he never has to pay child support payments on fifteen babies!

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5 Mama HawkNo Gravatar July 24, 2012 at 10:04am

Gonzo is still my favourite even though her outfit
is a little scanty.
Cute babies too.
I look forward to hearing their dialogue with their father.
Keep up the tales

Reply

6 Rebecca McLeodNo Gravatar July 25, 2012 at 12:52pm

Gonzo appreciates your love – she feels that she’s pretty wonderful too! She’s currently trying to run the lives of her three daughters and her sidekick Bob who just wants to be left alone to nap in peace. The next story is already completed and should be on its way soon!

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