by Rebecca McLeod
Rebecca shares with KRL another fun story from the perspective of her pet rats. This story takes place in the Boys Cage after Tommy and Captain Smudge have gone to the Rainbow Bridge.
*note: there are several rat swears in this, as the Boys are rather worked up.
“How the buck did this happen?” sourly asked El Dorado, wincing as he rubbed a bald spot on his side. Spotty Boy shook his head.
“Ah dunno, but ah think it was one of them hormone things. He used to be such a nice little fella!”
“And then he got big because SOMEONE told him how to put on weight.”
“You wuz beatin’ on him all the time–how wuz I supposed to know that he’d get bigger than you and start wallopin’ us?” dolefully asked Spotty, shifting in the hammock to glare at El Dorado.
“Oh he barely wallops you–worst I ever seen him do to you is upend you in the food bowl for a couple minutes. Lookit these bald patches on me–how am I supposed to get with the Ladieeez if I look like this??”
“You boys talking about Ladieez?”
“Maybe,” sullenly replies El Dorado.
“Well that’s fine, just as long as you remember who’s first in line.”
“Dad, rest his soul, left me in charge,” protests El Dorado.
“He didn’t realize what a jerk you are,” replies Bluey reasonably, sitting on his hind legs and scratching his ear. “I think I’ve been more than fair; you two are allowed living here and I don’t mind if you keep dating that Gonzo–she’s a little kinky for me.”
“Gonzo’s a little kinky for everyone–sometimes she flashes me and I kin see everything,” says Spotty uncomfortably. El Dorado turns to him in outrage.
“You stealin’ my girl?”
“She ain’t a girl!”
“She had ten babies; she’s at least part a girl and that’s not the point! Girl stealer! I’m gonna thump you–get your wide load outta that hammock and–”
“Hey! I does the thumping around here,” warns Bluey, swaggering up to El Dorado, “and I say there’s gonna be no thumping of Spotty.”
El Dorado does his best to try not to look cowed and fails.
“I mean, what are you worried about? It’s not like he can knock her up or anything.”
A serious argument is about to ensue but the boys are interrupted by the Human tapping on their cage.
“Hi Boys! How’s my fuzzbutts today?” They all give me adoring expressions as I hand out baby carrots.
Spotty and El Dorado drop their carrots and turn accusing eyes on Bluey.
“We’re gonna be invaded by baby rats? Dangit Bluey, how come you couldn’t just let well enough alone!” snaps El Dorado.
Bluey is lost for words.
“We’re never gonna get to eat or sleep again because SOMEONE couldn’t keep it in his fur!”
“Eight or nine?” weakly says Bluey, eyes wide.
“Hopping all over you using you for a trampoline, eating your food, pooping in the igloo, crying for their momma, chewing down the hammock, chewing on your tail, rolling around fighting and screaming…”Bluey sits down hard and stares dazedly in the direction of the Maternity cage.
El Dorado motions to Spotty and he leans in.
El Dorado grins.
“I feel better already.”
Check out more of Rebecca’s rat stories in KRL’s rodent ramblings section.