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The Weird Girl: A Rat Tale

IN THE March 17 ISSUE

FROM THE 2012 Articles,
andRebecca McLeod,
andRodent Ramblings
SECTIONS

by Rebecca McLeod

Rebecca shares with KRL another fun story from the perspective of her pet rats.

The Cast:
Tommy: the senior member of the Boys Cage; a Siamese, mostly deaf
Spotty Boy: the famous 101 Spots the neutered rat
El Dorado: the handsome young PEW who will one day rule the Boys Cage
Captain Smudge: Tommy’s boyfriend

The members of the Boys Cage are lounging in their hammocks and an old iced tea box. Tails dangle comfortably, friendly grooming goes on, and they make conversation while they wait for “Out Time.”

“Personally, I thought your presentation was just wonderful, Spotty Boy,” says Captain Smudge.

Spotty

Spotty Boy shifts in the hammock and beams modestly. “Weren’t nothin’, just an observation from personal experience.”

An elderly, mostly deaf Siamese pokes his head out from the box “Wut?”

“Observation, Dad! Personal experience!” yells a PEW from the next hammock. The Siamese nods.

“I had one of those there personal experiences once. Nice doe, didn’t get her name but ears like a pair of sails—woohoooo!”

“Ewww! Dad!” chorus half of the cage who are the direct descendants of the deaf Siamese. He grins unrepentantly.

Suddenly their cage door opens and closes. They look up.

“Food bowl? Veggies?” asks Spotty hopefully.

The PEW leans out of his hammock, peering down nearsightedly. “Not as far as I can tell.” He hops out of the hammock and trots down to the floor of the cage.

El Dorado

“Uh, guys? We got a problem.”

“Ladies??” asks Spotty excitedly, nearly falling out of the hammock.

“I wish.”

Spotty leans out even further to catch a glimpse of the surprise, and succeeds in falling on his head. Thankfully he bounces, landing in front of the surprise.

“Hi dere,” says the surprise.

Gonzo

Spotty Boy looks up and focuses on a pink shape in front of him.

“Wut the—mah lord, it’s an alien!” He heaves to his feet and hastily back-waddles (not to be mistaken with back peddling) away from the eerie figure.

“Aliens?!” shrieks Captain Smudge, diving into the iced tea box with Tommy.

The “alien” giggles.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Spotty, it’s just a giant pinkie that can talk,” says the PEW, El Dorado, “One of them child proddygees. I saw it on TV,” he adds, with an air of authority.

“Hi guys. I is a Patchwork rat,” announces the figure, “I just little so please to not bite me, ok?”

“You’re a quilt?”

“Where’s the alien?” yells Tommy, peering out of the iced tea box, Smudge cowering behind him. The little alien squeaks and dives under Spotty who cringes away.

“Baby truce!!”

“It’s right, you cain’t bite a baby even if they look tasty,” explains Tommy, “Where’d you leave your clothes, kid?”

Fat Tommy

“I born this way,” says the little creature proudly.

“Ah think Lady Gaga mighta had you in mind when she wrote it,” mutters Spotty, “You smell weird.”

“And you’re fat and has a big mouth and no balls,” retorts the little creature. Spotty glares at it.

“Remember, baby truce, Spotty,” calls Tommy.

“Baby truce is bull pucky,” mutters Spotty under his breath, going to sulk in the litter box.

“You do smell kinda…odd. Are you sure you’re a boy?” asks El Dorado, sniffing at the little creature.

“Never said I was a boy.”

“You’re a girl??”

“Didn’t say that either,” replies the little animal, wandering over to the food bowl, “What’s for dinner?”

“I didn’t catch your name, little, er, rattie.”

“Gonzo. Mom says I weird like him.”

El Dorado sneaks closer while Gonzo’s head is in the food bowl and he makes an inspection of a personal nature on the little rat. His ruby eyes widen.

“Holy Cheeses, you’ve got both!”

“Toldya I was born dis way,” replies the little patchwork, munching on a rat block.

“Mom put you in here knowing that you have a lady part and boy parts?”

“Nope, she got no idea. She finks I’m a boy,” grinned Gonzo.

El Dorado begins bruxxing happily. “Spotty’s got no balls, Dad’s got a boyfriend, and Smudge is gay.”

Gonzo winks at him and flutters his/her ears sassily.

“Might you like to come back to my Kleenex box, Gonzo? I have some leftover carrot and I do believe HBO has a special on tonight. . .”

Gonzo sits up and begins preening his/her whiskers.

“Well, I’m not easy but…”

The other male rats look at each other in disgust and go back to sleep.

Twenty minutes later, I look in on Gonzo and actually interrupt the lovers in flagrante delicto. Gonzo and El Dorado’s babies are now about fifteen days old and the only question that remains is who will be receiving the card on Father’s Day.

Check out another fun little rat story by Rebecca right here at KRL and an article about her boy Captain Smudge.

Rebecca McLeod, enslaved by the whimsical charms of rats in her early twenties, spends her evenings slicing up vegetables and fruit for the vermin, chauffeuring them to the vet, and bragging about their many accomplishments to anyone who will listen. She & her fiancée Matthew run Bec and Matt’s Rats, a hobby rattery based out of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (Canada) and are an active part of the Canadian rat fancying community.Rebecca holds a B.A. Hons. in English from the University of Saskatchewan and is a freelance writer. Visit Bec and Matt’s Rats on Facebook!

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Diana HockleyNo Gravatar
Twitter: @Cadfael18
March 17, 2012 at 3:37pm

What a marvelous tale! Just love it and thank you for sharing :)

Reply

2 RebeccaNo Gravatar March 19, 2012 at 12:15am

Thank you very much!

Reply

3 DebNo Gravatar
Twitter: @mydarlingrats
March 18, 2012 at 2:30am

Another great story! I really have to wonder if they actually do have these conversations that we humans cannot hear, lol. Is this really what goes on in the cage? Got a really good laugh out of this. I loved it. Rebecca, you know your rats.

Reply

4 RebeccaNo Gravatar March 19, 2012 at 12:18am

Hi Deb,

I swear this is what happens in the rattery—I merely jot notes as they chat with each other. Right now the Boys Cage is quite active–we have a new character, Blue Streak the Blue Hooded rex, who is learning the ropes from the older boys. He gets squeaked a lot but I think it’s likely good for his character development.

Reply

5 Mindy RatzNo Gravatar March 19, 2012 at 6:39am

This is so cute!

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6 RebeccaNo Gravatar March 23, 2012 at 3:13pm

Thanks! Gonzo is a hilarious rat—very bouncy and a total shirt diver. Every time I have her on my lap she goes for the shirt–she does this to my mom too!

Reply

7 Mindy RatzNo Gravatar March 28, 2012 at 7:54am

Love the shirt divers! My little Monster (thats his name) likes to surf slide down my boyfriends chest when we are watching tv at night. LOL Much to the boyfriends protest, i think he likes it still.
Ratties are smart, they know where the warm spots are! <3
<:8(==)~~~

Reply

8 RebeccaNo Gravatar March 28, 2012 at 1:42pm

Gonzo also keeps warm by sleeping in her hammock and using her three daughters as a blanket–they all turned out to have regular coats. :) We adopted out seven to wonderful homes, but kept Snowball, Amelia, and Samuela Adams so that Gonzo would always have friends and a little something to remember her adventure by!

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9 Mindy RatzNo Gravatar March 29, 2012 at 7:55am

Awww that just warms the heart! Snuggles with the family and future generations to love and remember a bit of the past ones.

10 Linda AlMudarrisNo Gravatar March 26, 2012 at 3:17pm

Oh man! What a story! Good thinking there.;) It’s great how you put words ‘in their mouths’. Write MORE!

Reply

11 RebeccaNo Gravatar March 26, 2012 at 11:03pm

Thank you Linda! I’ve already written a sequel that stars Blue Streak, the little blue hooded rex that has joined the Boys Cage. He’s been having a hard time being the littlest guy—El Dorado never lets him forget who’s boss!

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