by Gail Farrelly

Gail has shared many wonderful short stories with us and we are happy to have this Irish Spoof from her to share with you as we approach St. Patrick’s Day!

They says it’s not because of any kind of prejudice against the Irish, but Twitter birdies are most upset with the new financial backer of the company.

In an exclusive interview with a reporter, the birds explained their reasoning. Apparently, the quiet calm of the Twitter office has been shattered, since the leprechaun insists on belting out “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,” as well as engaging in Irish jigs and step dancing. All this on a regular basis. “He thinks he’s in a performance of Riverdance,” one of the birdies complained.

Then there’s what the birdies are now being forced to wear. The bird-size green Irish cardboard top hat trimmed with shamrocks is bad enough. But then there are those heavy, handmade Irish sweaters. According to one birdie, “He just doesn’t get it. The new uniforms interfere with our ability to do our jobs. That leprechaun should try flying high and on schedule wearing that stuff.”

“The worst is what he’s done to the employee lounge at Twitter headquarters,” said one of the birdies, adding that their favorite movie had always been Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. But the leprechaun dumped that DVD and substituted his own choice, The Quiet Man (with Maureen O’Hara and John Wayne), which he has going 24/7 in an unending loop. Also, popcorn and a nice selection of worms used to be provided in the lounge — free of charge as refreshments for the workers. No more. Now there are just vending machines SELLING popcorn and worms, along with corned beef and cabbage.

As a parting shot, one of the birdies commented, “They say you shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds you.” He paused for a moment before adding that he doesn’t know if he can follow that dictum. “I’m so tempted,” he reports, “just a wee peck or two at the leprechaun’s hand, or maybe even his nose ……”

Hmm. Perhaps the Twitter leprechaun would do well to reread a few relevant lines from the nursery rhyme, Sing a Song of Sixpence:

The maid was in the garden,
Hanging out the clothes;
When down came a blackbird
And pecked off her nose

Gail Farrelly writes mystery novels and short stories as well as Op-Eds & satire pieces on TheSpoof.com, a British website as well as at a print and online NY newspaper, The Westchester Guardian. Her first mystery, Beaned In Boston was named to the Washington Irving Book Selection List. Gail’s other books are Duped By Derivatives & Creamed at Commencement. She’s working on a fourth mystery, The Virtual Heiress. Gail shares a website with her sister Rita, also a mystery writer; first chapters of the Farrelly mysteries are available on the website. Her latest short story, “The Christmas Exception,” is No. 7 on the Untreed Reads bestseller list for the month of January, 2012 & is available for sale at Untreed Reads, on the Kindle, & lots of other places.